5 super-average super-mom powers I wish I had

Growing up I remember playing loads of games. Don’t touch the ground, vet tech, school, the list goes on and on.

One of my favorites was the superpower game. The one where you’d talk about which superpower you’d want and why. I always wanted to fly. Always. Which is ironic, seeing as I am scared of heights. Which is doubly ironic (is that a thing?) because I am 6′.

Back to my point, the superpower game. I saw a vinyl sticker on a car the other day, it was a stick figure woman with a cape flapping in the breeze behind her. Then it struck me, a new game! The super mom game. You can have any five super powers, what would they be? The catch is you’re a mom, so the superpowers have to be super average things you wish you could do.

Let’s play! I’ll go first.

one. Get a reply when I request something of my 5 going on 15 year old

5: barely recognizable sounds that might be words

Me: ‘Please speak up I can’t hear you in the back seat’

5: mumbles something that is much closer to sounding like English

Me:

5:

Me: ‘Ok mom, I’ll speak up!’

Me: ‘Awesome bud, thanks!’

Anyone else feel me?

He’s five. I just want someone to acknowledge that they’ve heard my words. I’m not even asking you to demonstrate that you’re going to listen to my directions. I just want the satisfaction in knowing that I am not just speaking to speak. Which I guess I am if I want my 5yo to respond when I ask him to do something. I’ll just look at it as training for when my house is full of teenage boys.

two. More limbs (only when I needed them)

OK so this one breaks the rules a bit, as having more arms is not super average, it’s not even average. But I need them. I don’t want to be a weirdo walking around with four arms hanging out all the time. No thanks, I get enough stares and glares as a 6 foot tall, mom of three unruly children under 30.

I want Stitch arms. From Lilo and Stitch. His arms retract back into his body when he trying to ‘blend’. I just want to blend. But when shit hits the fan (which it will) I want to be locked a loaded. Pop those arms out and own that diaper change on a squirmy baby like a boss.

Did I mention they also need to have elasta girls elasticity? Yes, I want to be able to get the hot wheels car my 2yo threw on the floor in the back seat of the van that he is losing his shit over, just because having it back in his hands will keep him quiet the rest of the ride home. Right?

three. Struggle and stress-free bed time

I don’t know about you, but our nights are a wreck.

Currently the boys share a bedroom and my 5yo cries because he just wants to go to bed but he can’t because his 2yo brother is all jacked up on life, and is kicking him in the head. We’ve tried separating them, which works out well for my 5yo who (since cutting out his nap, because ‘his doctors said he doesn’t have to nap anymore’ *not true*) fall asleep the second he closes his eyes, but not so much for my 2 yo.

My 2yo gets some sort of second wind at 7 which blows him into passing out somewhere in the house around 9pm.

I just want to be able to read to them, give them kisses, tuck them in, turn the lights out and dance for joy as I shut the door behind me and no one exits the room until the morning.

four. Ability to cook a meal the kids will eat

I know seems simple right? I mean, let’s be honest, I can cook Annie’s Mac and Cheese, turkey dogs, frozen pizza, and chicken fries like nobody’s business. But for once I just wish I could cook a wonderful meal that the kids will eat.

I want to order one of those really cool boxed dinners, the ones that come with all the ingredients you need (cause the grocery store is just something no one has time for), and laminated recipe cards.  We all gather around the box, and open it while a 9 string orchestra plays in the background, building the moment. The kid’s faces glow, as they present the biggest smiles ever looking at all the green veggies we are about to sauté. We joyfully spend time making the meal *together*, while woodland creatures set the table. Bambi pulls a chair out for me and we all sit down and enjoy the wonderful meal we prepared as a family.

Is that too damn much to ask for?

five. The ability to hide in, I mean use, the bathroom without a crowd outside the door

Without fail my husband can spend what seems like an eternity in the bathroom, alone, while I battle the miniature versions of him that we created, who all seem to have difficulty understanding the value of personal space.

And when I do make it into the bathroom without a shadow or someone wrapped around my leg, it’s usually just in time, before I join my 5 yo in the ‘not making it to the bathroom in time’ club. Then once, I’ve done my business, I just want to get out of there because the banging on the locked door, or playing right outside the door, is just not relaxing.

Maybe because I am the one sitting there with them while they learn to use the potty, they think they need to return the favor? Can I pass? I’d really like to pass.

 

What Five Super-Average-Super-Mom Powers do you wish you had?

About katie

just your rotten mouthed guide through life, reviews, organization and some parenting tips- cause you know, I am a parent x3 :)

18 Comments

  1. Katie, you are so funny.

    1- I wish I had the ability to need less sleep. I like staying up late but then I pay for it and that affects everything the next day. Sometimes I just want to stay up to watch some shows but then I am a tireder, worse version of myself with my family the next few days.

    2- My son also waits for me outside the bathroom, too, but what I want is to be able to leave the playroom and walk upstairs without him always noticing and asking, “Where are you going? Why? What are you doing?” It’s as if he’s keeping an account of my actions and locations throughout the house!! Arg.

    3- My son wakes up earlier than I do and comes and knocks on my door…and knocks and knocks and knocks until I answer. At least he doesn’t barge in, for which I am thankful. But the knocking is one of the worst introductions to the day for my nerves. Make it stop!!! I always forget to have a talk with him about it later, and the woodpecker-knocking continues. Um…that’s not a superpower. It’s just a complaint!

    4- I wish more people would buy organic food and then the price would go down for all. That’s also not a superpower.

    5- I wish I could make my bed and do all types of cleaning without really doing it. I despise cleaning.

  2. Hahaha this is awesome! I want retractable arms!
    1. I want a superpower where I snap my fingers and the house is clean!
    2. I want the ability to be supercharged after 4 hours of sleep.
    3. I want the ability to stop my son from arguing with me about every. Single. Thing.
    4. I want a super power that allows me to have coffee or wine in my hand at anytime I want. I just want to say COFFEE then Bam! There it is!
    5. I want a super power that allows me to not have to go grocery shopping 😂😂

  3. This is hysterical!
    1. I want to be able to load my baby and all his accessories into the car with a wave of the hand.
    2. I want a superpower that cancels out any calories added on by wine!
    3. I want to be able to just think about a household chore and it’s done!
    4. I want the ability to only need a few hours of sleep a night.
    5. I want the superpower that lets me simultaneously drive and entertain the screaming banshee my son becomes when he’s put in the car!

    • These are all great! I would love to be able to load all the kids in the car and all their stuff with the wave of a hand, so much time saved! I wouldn’t have to walk out the door 2 hours before I have to be a place that is only 20 minutes away so that I can be there on time.

  4. I could surely use a few extra limbs. Actually make that a double of my entire self. If there were two of me, life would be just great. LOL! Never enough time in the day to get everything done. And my mind stay racing sun up til sun down with my mental things to do list. smh.

  5. Ivy

    Number 4 killed me! I’d just love for directions given in a normal tone of voice to register with anyone in my house – including the dog.

  6. Love it! The 5 for me would be:
    1. To get my son to eat the same thing I have for dinner without a meltdown!
    2. Going pee without my son asking, “Mom are you poopin’ or peein’?” Lol, yeah, no joke!
    3. To be able to brush my son hair without him saying, “I’m good, I don’t need my hair brushed”, as we head off to the bus.
    4. The ability to not get frustrated when cleaning up piles of stuff that “nobody” got out.
    5. To be invisible while I have my first cup of coffee every morning before my son gets up. Yup, even if I get up at 4:30, he is awake 10 minutes later!
    Lol, if only…..

Leave a Reply