Having three kids is very much a give and take; more bills, less money, even less sleep, negative infinity personal space, more love, more laughs, stronger birth control, and a bigger car just to name a few.
Mostly more unsolicited advice and glares, and I would just like to give it all back.
A big ol’, No thanks. Hard pass.
There was the video floating around a while back by Tommee Tippee – ah yes, this one.
I love it.
I hate your unsolicited advice. Your comments and most of all your glares. Glares are your unspoken advice and words that are more clear than actual words.
This comes up more frequently in winter months. When it’s just a bit to chilly out to spend lengths of time outside with the baby to get the boys energy out. The times that we turn to the mall and other stores to use the open aisle as a makeshift playplace (everyone does this, so please don’t sit there and pretend you’re above this, I see you).
Recently, we had a few extra days off during the holiday break and time out of the house was needed. I packed the crew and headed to Target, cause you know we needed diapers and wipes and to check those clearance endcaps. It was there that I encountered a woman. A woman who was trying to kill my joy.
Here’s a note to the joy killers from the mamas who need to get out but can’t get past the stares and comments.
I have three under five – GET OVER IT.
My husband and I made this choice, a choice to have a family while we were young. A choice to have our children close in age. Which, I don’t have to justify at all, especially to you. I made the choice to come to target today because I needed to get out of the MFing house. IT’S TARGET for frigs sake – not the Ritz. If they want to run and hide under the rack of clothes and jump out, I let them. If they want to race to the end of the empty aisle to show me how fast they are, I let them. And you know what else, yes, I am going to race up the near empty aisle and hop on the cart to make them laugh their heads off. You know why? Because it’s fun, it’s hilarious and it’s 8am on a Thursday morning and you’re the only other person in the store.
Oh, hello stranger! Why yes ma’ma, I do appear to have my hands full, how nice of you to notice and provide commentary, because without it I would have never noticed the two mini humans clinging to my legs like koalas. I know that was your very backhanded way of telling me that in your humble opinion, my children are out of control and I should reign them in because now, people are noticing, they are staring and judging.
I used to care. With my oldest, we cared about strangers opinions or views of our family dynamic from the few seconds that they saw us.
Because of a few negative interactions some time ago, I had put blinders up, or angry people goggles if you will-something like beer goggles, but they made everyone look mad and judging. Then something happened. Something amazing, I let it go (before Elsa made it a thing). It was time to let go the feeling of judging eyes because I realized I was making their glances as we passed by feel the way I was feeling them. I took off those nasty goggles and you know what I started to notice, I noticed smiles, I noticed people enjoying watching the way my husband and I interacted with our growing family, and I saw people laughing, and interacting with us. Joy spreads people. Be a light, and others will shine.
So to you, angry, bitter woman in Target on this gloomy morning, shove it.
My hands aren’t what’s full, it’s my heart and my smile because even though the weight of three under five is heavy, it’s worth everything.
To the other moms and dads out there with those angry people goggles on, take them off – I promise you’ll like the view.