Let’s be friends; how do I make them again?

Few months ago I wrote about the things I’d do a little differently if we were to move all over again. Let me just note that we are not planning on doing another big move. Again. Ever. OK I can’t say that for sure because we never know what the future holds, but we are not planning anything big any time soon.

I wrote about this app I found, Hey VINA! It’s a great concept. It’s just like those dating apps where the fate of your future is decided in a swipe right or left.

My husband and I met long before these dating apps came along so it’s like I get to experience it without the pressure of finding someone to spend a lot of time with and share secrets with and grow old with.

OH WAIT- that’s exactly what I am trying to do.

I am dating. I am dating to find a soul sister. Sister from another mister. Someone to drink beer-garitas with. Someone to sit on the couch with and ignore my kids with. And maybe her kids if she has them (I’m not picky). Someone to binge watch HGTV with. Is that too damn much to ask for!?

Disclaimer: I do have several of these types of friends in my life currently, so please don’t shed a ‘poor her, poor girl with no friends’ tear for me. The problem, I moved away from all of them. This is about finding a local partner in crime.

Alright, so back to my fri-dating (friend dating? I don’t know what else to call it), I spent some time agonizing over a profile picture – what side of me did I want to show!? A picture with my kids? No that would discourage the cool single ladies – desperate boring mom seeks someone other than family to spend time with – as long as I’m home by story time. So I went with the #shamelessselfie. I’m fun. I’m cool. I (still) know how to have a good time. That what a selfie says right?

Then I had to write about myself. Cleaver enough to catch someone’s attention and draw them in, but not overly sarcastic that people are confused. Not too desperate mom seeking adult interaction (though it’s the truth). Enough, I’m here to rave, but more, lets watch Netflix and eat cookie dough.

Then I started swiping. I try to surround myself with people who enjoy life and joke and like to have fun and be fun. So of course that’s what I look for when I am swiping.

Then I got a Ditto (match). I currently have about 5 or so. And a few of us have been going back and forth messaging each other through the app.

NO ONE (including myself) wants to make the first move! I feel like I need a success story. Is this what dating is like?

I just want to go back, and be like my 5 yo.

We meet at the park and we engage in a game of ‘don’t touch the ground’. We get along, you don’t push me, I don’t hit you. Together we approach our mom’s, I ask you what your name is because we’ve been too busy playing for such formalities. We ask for them to arrange a play date and don’t worry about the rest. Next thing I know, you show up at my house a few days later and we play with my legos and eat goldfish. Bam, instant friends.

THAT’S WHAT I WANT. MOM?!

Ugh. So here I sit. Phone in hand, 5 dittos and no one wants to make the first move.

I want to hear from you – how do you make friends when you move to a new place? I need your advice!

 

About katie

just your rotten mouthed guide through life, reviews, organization and some parenting tips- cause you know, I am a parent x3 :)

16 Comments

  1. I could be writing this myself. Although I consider myself an extrovert, being a mom changes everything! I’ve never had trouble making new friends in a new town but where do I find the time? I’m waiting for the next phase of life to starts when kids are in school full time. Is 4 more years too long to wait to make friends?

    • It has started to get a *bit* easier, now that the oldest is getting more involved in things, i.e. soccer. I have connected with a few moms over that. But I’m so awkward in real life, I typically say the wrong thing, or sometimes nothing at all and then people are uncomfortable in silence and then it’s “oh Johnny is crying, I’ll go check on him” and the next thing I know know I hear them peeling out of the parking lot in their huge SUV (OK this has never really happened but this is what my anxiety does to me).

      But I do see the horizon, it’s getting easier.

  2. Finding friends as a mom is so hard! I am particular about making sure I know parents before I just send my kids over to play with their friends. I have met some great friends through these ‘meet at the park so you can play with your friend and I can get to know their mom’ playdates.

  3. This is something I’ve dealt with a lot since I have moved so much for my job. I always make friends with my neighbors by introducing myself and usually having them over for drinks and by joining running groups that are local to wherever we’ve moved to. Make the move!!

    • We’ve been apartment jumping (not by choice) since we moved while we try to find a house, so once we have a set neighborhood, I am sure it will get easier. Can’t wait to have neighbors!

  4. I can definitely relate! Being an extroverted introvert who thinks she’s socially awkward, makes friend making seem impossible! But having a “tribe” “squad” “sisterhood” is so important to me! You’ve got a great outlook on friendship, so I hope you find a group of ladies you connect with really well!

  5. I’m a new mom, and it’s so hard to find friends. I have friends, but none of them are married nor have children. Because of this, our mindsets are not the same, and hanging out becomes a little “boring”. It’s so hard to find friends as an adult, it’s so easy just to lean on our significant other. Great blog post, mama! I really loved this.

    • I lean on my husband so much. He is an extrovert to the extreme. He has so many friends in our new home, which is great, but at the same time most of them are bachelors and aren’t in serious relationships, so I don’t even get the ‘default’ friendships that way! The struggle is real. SO glad you enjoyed it 🙂

  6. Wendy

    Be willing to put in the time one on one in order to figure out whether your soul feels more buoyant after spending time with that person, or weighed down. If there is some hope, some togetherness, some inspiration, some decrease of inhibition as a result of interacting with this friend, then keep scheduling times together. If it just continues to feel awkward without any reward, then keep trying with other friends. Expressing to your friend that your soul needs friendship, kinship, or camaraderie or that you like the other person (what you like specifically) are vulnerable, binding, and knitting words. They are risky words, but you risk aloneness if you choose not to risk. Pursue friends whom you admire, yet you feel are “out of your league” because they inspire you as a person. Choose to initiate friendships with these individuals until they get the point that you admire them and want to know them more. You don’t want crutch friends; you want friends who pull you higher, don’t let you settle in life, and remind you of who you are. You must tell them who you are.

    • firs off – thank you to your spouse and your family for the sacrifices you make <3
      my father-in-law was in the military and so my husband moved a lot when he was growing up. I am thankful that he is accustom to moving and making new friends, I grew up in the same house and lived in the same town all my life until we moved where we currently are a year ago, so it was a big adjustment for me.

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