The 5 stages of co-sleeping [as written by an over-tired parent]

You know all those ideals of what type of parent you’ll be before you have kids- like no electronics, no TV for the baby, no co-sleeping, etc.? That last one, co-sleeping, let’s talk about that.

Ha.

HAHAHA

HAHAHAHHAHAHA

Pre baby Katie, you were so naive. Don’t get me wrong, we tried it. The first time around, well he wouldn’t sleep in the crib and I was breastfeeding, and life was easier with him in bed. I slept better, he slept better – everyone wins.

Well fast forward and add two more kids. We’ve been doing this since 2012 and co-sleeping works best for our family and I wouldn’t have it any other way. But sometimes it can be a headache.

 

Stage One – Newborn

This stage is the best. Baby is brandy new. This stage can also be the scariest because baby is brandy new and if this is your first, co-sleeping can be a little daunting.  Baby is new, and essentially immobile, so you can just tuck them in next to you, throw that boob in their mouth (if you’re breastfeeding) and pass the f*ck out. Wam Bam thank you ma’ma.

Multiple Kids: They’re not allowed in the bed, so if they wake up, your husband/partner has to go sleep uncomfortably in their bed with them. Bummer for them.

 

Stage Two – Wiggle Fritz

They’ve learned to move – sigh. I mean yay they’re growing! You now build a pillow fort around them when you get out of bed so that they don’t roll out of bed and onto the floor. This also means that you no longer have personal space. You put them to bed next to you at 8pm, but by 8:30 they’re upside down kicking you in the face.

Multiple Kids: Your partner’s back is slowly deteriorating from sleeping in a twin bed with a child who insists on snuggling you to the edge of the bed. They are also turning into a zombie, because the waterproof mattress protector on the bed is the opposite of quiet and sounds like crinkle paper every time they move, so they’re getting like, no sleep.

 

Stage Three – 4 month regression

Ah yes, the 4 month regression. That lovely time that comes right after your baby has demonstrated their ability to sleep through the night. They’ve given you a glimpse of being a functioning human again. Then, just like that, they take it away. It’s 2am and they are up and playing with your eyelids, because you know, you need to be awake too.

Multiple Kids: Occasionally they make it into you bed, at which point you and your partner play a solid 2am game of reorganize our sleeping situation so that no older kids are next to the baby. After which everyone falls back asleep but the two of you.

 

Stage Four – Sleep Deprivation

You’ve gotten to the point where you’ll sleep through just about anything because you’re so damn tired. You fall asleep and don’t wake up until you realize you’ve already hit snooze 3 times. The baby has gone back to sleeping through the night, but has proven to be a mover. You awake thinking your dreams came true and you got another dog, only to realize it’s the baby sprawled up across your legs.

Multiple Kids: Everyone ends up in your bed and sometimes you don’t notice until you wake up in the morning. Things are tight, but everyone sleeps because well, you’re sleep deprived and you’d sleep through a heavy metal rock show at this point. With your bed in the mosh pit.

 

Stage Five – This is a nice couch

Everyone is in your bed except you and your partner. You learn that your couch is probably the most comfortable place to sleep in your house. You become strangely uncomfortable when you have guests over and they sit on the couch, because, you know – that’s your bed.

 

 

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About katie

just your rotten mouthed guide through life, reviews, organization and some parenting tips- cause you know, I am a parent x3 :)

14 Comments

  1. I was just saying to my husband…
    Why can’t we just have one whole month where everything goes right. No teething. No sleep regressions. No Early morning wake times.
    We both laughed and laughed. I think we might be histerical at this point.
    You’re not alone mama!

  2. addisonmesser

    This is hilarious. We let our sleep in the bed for a small bit when he was super tiny, but he doesn’t sleep well with us. The rule was if you get a boob, you go to sleep. He rarely complied and was sent away to sleep in his own bed to toss and turn like an acrobat. He actually sleeps really well that way. Maybe he takes after his dear mom.

    • he doesn’t sleep well with you, or you don’t sleep well with him? haha I am starting to feel the pain of this co-sleeping more this third time around, I’m older and more tired…

    • ended up there myself last night (this morning) when I woke up at 4:30 to find myself a sandwich between the 10 month old and the 2.5yo….husband was already out there. jerk

  3. I think this is tricky..my husband no longer sleeps in our bed because of our daughter, but she climbs out of her crib now. I used to think no co sleeping before i became a mom..and my husband was for it. My how the tables have turned.

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